I think I can, I think I can

My apologies to Baji and knicq for a delayed response to their simultaneous tag. I’ve been a bit busy lately and haven’t had a chance to sit down and blog coherently. However, to respond to the tag and explore the dark side, what would it be like if I could be . . .


- A librarian?

There is a certain fastidious innocence associated with librarians that I find quite endearing. It’s something that belies the stereotypical image of a mild-mannered meek anemic, liberally punctuated with a heavy dose of occupational acne. In truth, librarians are gentle people. They spend most of their time indoors, silently obedient to the laws of learning. Their daydreams and coffee breaks are chastely choreographed to the rustling music of turning pages. They speak in whispers and make everything they say sound solemn; the provision of a library card can take on the aura of a baptism when performed in the sacred, hushed tones of an ancient librarian. They even chew with their mouths closed. They are a study in silent observances, in the quiet, erudite ways of an invisible and learned underclass without whom the Dewey Decimal System would be a bewildering labyrinth of Faustian proportions. We cannot live without them.


- An athlete?

I think I'd be a squash player. It's a great game.


- A marine biologist?

When I was in school doing my O’levels we had this substitute teacher come in one day and ask us what we wanted to do when we grew up. Since it was a school populated mostly by children from the subcontinent we knew that the correct answer when asked that question was, of course, medicine and, one by one, we dutifully recited it to her only to be met by a growing look of exasperation. “You can’t all want to be doctors?!” she said despairingly. “There are so many careers to choose from! How about marine biology, for example?” We looked at her and smiled indulgently. It was unpossible. We loved medicine. Our parents had told us so.

Now when I think about it, marine biology sounds like a pretty fascinating career. If the documentaries and wildlife specials in the National Geographic are anything to go by, it’s a discipline that promises the prospects of endless enchantment. I remember reading a few weeks ago about a species of fish that emits an electromagnetic field into its surroundings. Anything moving causes a disruption in the field which is then detected and translated by the fish’s brain into a spatial image enabling the fish to “see” underwater in the dark. Subhan-Allah. It’s this kind of stuff that blows you away.


- A chef?

Well then life would be just perfect, wouldn’t it? No need to go out, no need to marry, no need to suffer the trials and tribulations of inquisitive aunties and their snot-nosed hoards of vomit-colored children all for a meager fistful of biryani. No, sir. I could stay in every night, watch TV and eat to my heart’s content. And then, when I was nice and round, I could roll myself down a hill and gleefully squash all the flowers that came in my way. Again and again and again.


- A writer?

Another skill that I covet in others, if only for the quick felicity with which it allows them to compile their blog entries and then merrily run out to play (or trail Hummers or chase pygmies in the Amazon) while I have to fret and grieve over each and every word. It’s agonizing, especially if you happen to care for the language and would like to protect it from being mauled by your own inadequacies. In such circumstances, the gift of being able to actually write comes as a welcome blessing. At the very least, it means you are not up at six in the morning laboring feeble-mindedly over a post that ought to have been dispatched hours ago if only you knew how.


I think I'm supposed to tag five other people but seeing as how most people have already done the quiz and the remainder all have lives or something, I guess I'll leave it open. Anybody wishing to take up the challenge, the instructions are included below. Please drop me a line and let me know if you do.

The general rules are as follows: from the list of occupations below, select five (5), and write a post on your blog, on how you would perform each, if they were your job. When you are done, add a couple of occupations to the bottom, and ambush five other fellow bloggers to prepare a list.

If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a service member...
If I could be a business owner...
If I could be an actor...
If I could be an agent...
If I could be a video game designer...
If I could be a comic book artist...
If I could be a mime
If I could be a domestic engineer
If I could be a chimney sweep
If I could be a masseuse
If I could be a taxi driver
If I could be a priest
If I could be a fighter pilot
If I could be a homeless person
If I could be a biker
If I could be a mortician
If I could be a marine biologist
If I could be a garbageman
If I could be an astronaut
If I could be an architect
If I could be an inventor
If I could be an ice-cream tester