Nerd oxygen

As much as I love my new job, there are days when it leaves me dismayed. Like this morning for example, when I had planned to spend the day relaxing with a book. I love reading and for the past few years books have been a lifeline of sorts for me, nerd oxygen that kept me connected with an intellectual life when not much else was. So naturally I gravitate towards them now when I want to unwind or feel brainy or just have a few moments to myself. Except that this morning, after I got up and had breakfast and examined the clock to make sure that whole day was still there to be plundered with a good read, I found my old habits had deserted me. The book sat in my hands, I was reading, scanning rows of letters and words for sentences that carved out into images and ideas, the whole sequence forming a thin film in my mind and I felt so disengaged from the whole process. There was no impact to what was going on, no sense of connection to the story or the characters. This isn't the first time this has happened. A number of times in the past few weeks I've picked up a book and found myself dissociated from its essence. Whether that's because of work pressures or tiredness or just an inability to concentrate after habituating to frenzied work-pace, I don't know. But it means I've lost my oxygen and now I feel choked. And, in the world of blogging and other imaginary traumas, that's not a nice feeling at all.